You know those times, you are either falling in love or you are going through a tragedy and you need to let it out. As a writer you can count on to be moved to write either when you are happy or sad. Emotions are the catalyst to create with words that which wants to emerge from the depths of our soul. It is a channel to release tensions and to give way to a positive view.
We try to make sense our daily living. If we tend not to analyze our commitments too much before we know it, we have no life to speak of. If we have a family which we feel needs all kinds of activities and entertainment, our quality of life get worst. Life in general is not easy, it takes time to fine tune our intents and how to go about getting it done. Many times we forget about the most important person in the equation, us. If we don’t take care of ourselves and our needs we have nothing to give others in return. The well is usually so deep and holds so much water, if we continue to draw water from it even in times of draught, before too long we have nothing left.
I was fortunate enough to have been taught by my mother to put my emotions on paper, thank you mom. From my difficult teenage years until now I’m able to refuge myself in my journals. I have a few with different themes. One is a spiritual journal in which I write matters of faith and my experiences. My “conversations with God” and what I think he is trying to communicate to me. Another one is a gratitude journal; when I went through a difficult time in my life I needed that one to go on and not lose hope. A priest suggested to me to do that one in order not to focus on what I didn’t have but on what I was given instead. It helped me realize that I was not alone, God was with me, and that everything had a purpose. I also keep a Bookography, a journal of books I’ve read and what I think of them, that one was suggested by a book I read which I can’t remember the title right now.
I knew that this year would be a difficult one, but I had no idea it would be like this. There are times when you can tell that a lot is coming your way but all the sudden you see even more than you think you can handle coming right on your direction. But then again it might not be that at all, it is because you can handle it that is coming your way and not to others. For some reason I feel at peace and tranquil. I have my moments in which I burst into tears and after that I feel better and go on. It is time to analyze my life one more time and how I will handle what is before me. I need to dig deep and give up a few responsibilities to take on others. It is not going to be easy but if God trusted me with it I’m sure that with his help I will handle it well. “His strength not mine” I keep telling myself so I don’t dare think it is me who is going to take care of whatever needs to be done in my life and the life of those entrusted to me.
Do you see how this works? I haven’t been able to write for months and now I can write for days. The need to unburden my mind of the millions scenarios that goes through my mind and that doesn’t let me sleep have created this writing. I believe I tossed and turned all-night and was awake for a good couple of hours around 4 a.m. this morning. These and other words traveled through my mind trying to escape, not create madness but to heal and to strengthen.